So, your secret affair has come to light. You’ve been caught cheating! Now what do you do?

If an affair takes place over a prolonged period of time, there will be a good chance that it will be discovered. Affairs happen for many different reasons, some more deliberate than others.

There are temptations all around, and many affairs occur because a partner thinks they are just “sampling”, but it turns into a full course meal.

The truth is, not all bad things are done by bad people. Good people sometimes get caught up in a moment which leads to bad decisions with consequences.

You’ve been caught cheating. Hopefully you are one of those good people that made a bad decision. It is also true that one choice does not define a person. A person’s body of work is what gives them character.

The honest truth is at this point your relationships future may be out of your hands. But you are now faced with how you should proceed since getting caught.

If you are in a relationship with someone that you really do love, then there are a few things that you need to think about and address.

· Should you stay or leave the relationship? If you are still “in love” then the decision should be to realize that you made a terrible mistake and proceed with the intentions that you will do what it takes to make it work. If you are in a relationship that was really over even before you got caught, then it is now time to exit stage left. This should be done as tastefully as possible. There will be no reason to put either of you two through anymore misery.

· Remorse. If your relationship is really “worth the chance” to make it work, then you will need to show true remorse. Your partner is in a very vulnerable state right now and will need to know that you are truly sorry for hurting them as you did.

· Sensitivity. This will be the time to be sensitive towards your partner. Patience will come into play here, as there will be a lot of emotional reactions to what was just discovered.

· Communication. This is by far the most important thing that you can do and may be the one thing that could save your relationship. Hiding or running away from the tough conversations may be the downfall and collapse of your relationship. You will need to communicate to know how your partner is feeling at a particular time, and they will need to know the same about you. A lack of communication may very well be perceived as unremorseful and insensitive. You don’t want that, especially if that’s not what you are.

The reality is that, you’ve been caught cheating, but despite all the divorce statistics that you hear floating around, there are still many relationships that do rebound from cheating and infidelity. You do have the chance to be one of those that do survive infidelity.

Please visit Surviving Infidelity for more tips and advice.

Good Luck!

About The Author

Dean Osborne is a web author with over 10 years experience in cheating and infidelity. If you have any questions or comments, you may email him at dosborne08@aol.com or visit his website at http://www.signs-of-a-cheater.com

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Effectiveness Of Couple Counseling And Couple Therapist Ny

At times in life we come across such situations that we start feeling aloof from our partner. That feeling of intimacy and togetherness at times starts vanishing from the relationship as we used to experience when we first met. It may be owing to many factors like pressure from office, tiredness, lack of communication etc. But it’s not a very healthy sign if you are in a relationship.

In such a situation comes into play Couple Counseling NY. Many people feel that there is no need to go to a Couple Therapist New York as it is entirely a personal affair and no outsider may help in resuming the matter. Many a times, people are hesitant in going to Couples Counseling New York. Sometimes people are worried what others will think that includes their friends and family when they will get to know about their going for Couple Counseling NY. But these are very small issues when compared to your relationship which needs all your attention and worries. It’s up to you to bring back the same intimacy and closeness in your relationship as you once used to feel else you won’t be able to live the very relationship.

Couple Counseling NY can play a very vital role in helping you out of your misery. Communication is what Couple Therapist New York lays emphasis upon as the core reason for any breakup or divorce cases is lack of communication. The Couple Therapist New York understands that it is very difficult to talk over certain issues like infidelity or your own affair with someone else or want of or lack of sex with your partner. But keeping everything in your heart and suffocating self is no solution either. The Couples Counseling New York very logically and practically tackles every issue and at the same time makes sure that no one gets hurt in the process.

If you feel that you have fallen out of love, still you need to discuss it with your partner to resolve big or small, whatever issues and again reconnect with each other the way you used to once upon a time. Many people feel that they are incompatible because they have their individualistic differences and conflicts and issues that are just unresolved. But according to the Couples Counseling New York, it is not the case. In fact, the Couple Therapist New York ensures that you grow while solving your matters and they help you in every possible manner to do so.

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It’s very important to grow in a relationship. Even the most committed of all couples too face the same problem and at some stance of time get affected. It does look like a blocked road but remember even a blocked road has to be worked upon. So is the case with our relationships as well. People think that Couple Counseling NY should be the last resort. On the contrary, if you have started facing poor communication, differences in sexual desires, lack of emotional and physical intimacy, emotional disconnection, and feelings of betrayal because of your spouse having an affair, it’s the right time to consult Couple Counseling NY.

By: Moshe Ratson

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So is the case with our relationships as well. People think that Couple Counseling NY should be the last resort. On the contrary, if you have started facing poor communication, differences in sexual desires, lack of emotional and physical intimacy, emotional disconnection, and feelings of betrayal because of your spouse having an affair, it’s the right time to consult Couple Counseling NY.

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Edward Talurdey Shows You How To Catch Your Cheating Lover
 by: Steven Yeoh

Edward Talurdey, a famous investigator has compiled his decade long experience in helping thousands of people all over the world in finding out whether their lover is cheating on them in a downloadable ebook. But Edward has made it clear that the material in his book is not for everyone, but to quote him “only for those who are fed up with their partners antics and are serious about finding out what’s been going on when “no one is watching”.”

He is so confident with the quality and effectiveness of the materials he presents in his book that he guaranteed his reader will quickly learn the truth about what’s been going on behind their back once they follow the instruction in the book. One of his reader was quoted saying “4 days. That’s how long it took me to catch my wife having an affair after I got your material - and I wasn’t even half-way through it yet! I travel a lot, so I wasn’t too sure this stuff would work for me, but I got undeniable proof she was messing around in just 4 days. I can’t believe I put up with her games for so long when you made catching her so freakin’ easy!” Another was quoted saying “My husband has been treating me horribly for quite some time, so I ordered your material to see if it was because of another woman. In about a week and a half I found out he had rented an apartment and was meeting his lover there every day. I’ve been a housewife my whole life, and I’m quite certain that if I could pull this off by following your instructions, so can anyone else!”

According to Edward, one of the most effective method listed in his book is the Infidelity Quiz. He claimed that any person who score a “7″ on this quiz is virtually guaranteed that he or she is cheating on their partner. There are many other methods listed in his book. From the 3 sure-fire tactics of getting one’s partner to cheat right before their eyes to one simple technique that one can use to instantly expose any affair.

Cheating in any relationship really hurts. No one want this to happen to them. However, sometimes it do happens. For those who suspect that their partner is cheating on them and are not afraid to confront the truth, then the materials in Edward’s book will definately help them. Anyone who are interested can find out more at http://hop.clickbank.net/?goldcfa/cheat1.

About The Author

Steven Yeoh - I am a freelance writer focus on helping ebook publisher to promote their information ebook.

You can contact me at : goldcfa2@hotmail.com

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Is This Relationship Worth Saving?

When a relationship begins to get stale and unhappy, both partners have to get to a point where they realize that things are bad and must either commit to saving the relationship, or decide to end the relationship. Saving a relationship is possible if both partners are committed to fixing the relationship and if the relationship itself has redeeming value. Saving a relationship is possible if both parties stay focused and have decided they want the relationship to work.

Many people stay in a relationship because it is convenient or remain in a marriage because of the children. Often times the status quo is better than the unknown. Being unhappy feels safer than what might come next when the relationship ends. A good relationship is separate from the people involved. It requires care and nourishment as its own entity. Both partners bring both positive and negative energy to the relationship and are equally responsible for it success or failure. How to save a relationship starts with this realization.

The next step in saving a relationship is pinpointing the problems in the relationship. Separating the symptoms (fighting) from the problems (poor communication skills) is a crucial step in saving a relationship. For example, infidelity, a major cause of breakups, is a symptom of a more pressing problem. People don’t cheat on their spouses to hurt them; rather they cheat because they are trying to fill a need. For example, a lack of intimacy can lead to a straying spouse. External stressors such as money problems or time constraints can lead to infidelity. Human beings want to feel loved and accepted. They want to feel valued and successful. When things are tough at home it is often easier to feel this way outside the relationship. While it is easy to look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair is typically the real problem. If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, or your communication skills, or the money issues, you have little hope of fixing your relationship. It is when you start to deal with the core issues rather than symptoms, that you can save the relationship.

Once you have identified the core problems in your relationship, it is time to start communicating about them. This can be very difficult as it requires patience, empathy, and courage. It may also require acknowledgment of your own flaws and for
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giveness of your partner’s flaws. Through verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s feelings you will begin to re-build trust and love. This kind of true communication is very difficult. You will feel a range of emotions (as will your partner). It is easy to let these emotions get in the way of really listening to your partner or being heard by them. This phase of re-building your relationship can take a long time. Continued commitment by both partners in this process is a key element in saving your relationship and making your relationship work.

Once the problems in your relationship are clear to both of you, it is time to put together a plan of action to solve them. This part of saving your relationship can be fun. Once you are both working at making your relationship better you will begin to forget the pain and difficulty. Take small steps and make suggestions that both of you can follow through on. For example, if communication is a problem in your relationship, set aside just 10 minutes a day to check in with each other. Once you have mastered that, make it 15 minutes. If money is a problem, work on a budget together and make cuts that will feel easy at first and help salvage your relationship. Rather than buying coffee on your way to work, drink it at home together. This will save money and give you time together to talk. These small but concrete steps will go a long way in fixing your relationship.

Fixing a relationship is an ongoing process. People in happy relationships do these things all the time. Once you have learned how to enjoy each other again, have worked together on solving your problems, and have forgiven each other, you will have begun the process of saving your relationship.

By: Sean Duggan

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Can I get my ex back?, you ask. Yes you can.

Here’s how to successfully get your girlfriend back

“How do I get back my boyfriend?“

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5 Ways To Save Your Relationship

t has been proven that healthy relationships are part of leading a fulfilled life and are one of the factors in your longevity as well. Keeping your relationship healthy means hard work because we are all individuals with different, ideas, dreams, personal needs and choices. Sharing your time in a strong relationship with your partner makes happy memories for you both, and this will be cherished as your relationship matures. A strong relationship is the sharing between two individuals, and this does not necessarily mean that both have to be of different sexes either. Relationship bonds are formed between anyone, and age does not always play too much of an important role in all cases either. There are 5 ways to save your relationship and knowing them can help you solve the common problems that can arise.

Keeping a relationship healthy can be difficult at times considering that there might be a possibility of conflicts, and differences of agreements on many issues. These factors may be due to misunderstandings, ego or other problems like cultural differences for example. Sometimes anger, frustration and bitterness in your relationship can cross the point of no return, and thus a once strong bond can be shattered beyond any repair. When this occurs both partners at are affected perhaps one more than another. What is important to realize that damage can be repaired before it is too late. Knowing these 5 ways to save your relationship is definitely helpful, and may mean saving a rocky relationship while it is still possible.

1. The first advice is that you can both accept that there are problems that need to be handled in your relationship. These problems and issues need to be bought into the open and discussed between both partners. Seek methods in how these problems can be identified; and addressed in ways that are mutually acceptable. Compromise has already saved millions of relationships and this must be openly discussed between partners when there is conflict.

2. It takes two partners to make an argument happen. Both partners in a relationship need complete communication and interaction. If communication stops, then the reasons must be investigated behind it. This means starting a conversation with your partner allowing them to open up so that you can analyze where
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the problem lies, and then take the right steps to repair the damage or rift. Listening is important in communication, and understanding what you are hearing runs a close second. Your will be able to pick up hints and get ideas of where damage control is necessary.

3. Renewing your relationship and your passion for each other is important to prevent stagnation. Regular surprises and getaways together where you can spend quality time together are vital. This provides you with new experiences and memories, and also allows you to discover new facets in your partner that you may have never noticed in different situations. This renewal is important to come from both partners and thus regular alone time in different places is necessary.

4. Each partner must communicate their feelings to the other. Healthy relationships need natural attraction. This comes through sharing and allowing each other to show their true feelings. Sometimes the reassurance of your partners feelings is vital to make you comfortable that the relationship is still on a solid footing.

5. Make an effort to find advice and counseling. Sometimes it is necessary to seek outside assistance from friends, families, and even a relationship therapist. In some cases it feels impossible to express and communicate your feelings to your partner. Different people can give you different angles on the problems you are facing in your relationships, and give you solutions to problems you may never have considered yourself. Sometimes expert and experienced advice can only be obtained from a relationship therapist.

Having an understanding of the 5 ways to save a relationship and using them to your benefits can mean that you keep your relationship strong and lasting. If your relationship bond is really special, then it is really worth making every effort to rescue it when it is floundering in trouble waters.

By: Joni May

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Forget Loneliness And Start Dating

Loneliness is not a very good thing in the life of a human, because it has the capacity to transcend the line of endearment into the hands of bitterness and gloominess that makes a human to conjure a disagreeable character that makes people to evade them like the plague. The best thing is to start dating once more because it is one of the best ways that you cannot only burry your loneliness but begin enjoying the world as God commissioned.

The world of dating and love is characterized by many things that bring transformation to the life of humans. You cannot ignore the art of dating and love in this therapeutic exercise. It is the best bargain for this kind of affair. What you need is the two traits, love and dating and a person to start showing them to, and if they say aye and experiment it, where there is a true effect of adoration, and the beginning of better things to come is nigh.

You cannot avoid the art of love, if at all you have human blood. It is an important catalyst that helps the art of the product love to begin budding and take control of the situation. It is one of the best things you have ever felt, whether in dating or in a relationship, and it will continue to make all the differences in times to come. This is if at all the relationships are sincere and the capacity of love is high enough, there is nothing to worry about.

Love and dating work hand in hand to make sure the early days of your relationship is successful, since it is not that right to heighten tension in a relationship just when it has begun. Loneliness is not the best of feelings, since it might have been caused by a lot of issues. Loneliness could be as a result of a divorce, where after the separation, a single parent might enter into their cocoons and fail to begin the art of starting again.

The lack of dating relationship is a perfect way of depicting the status quo, and trying to convince them that there are better guys on the other side of the fence is not a very effective way. You might have been the one who had caused all the issues, to a point of saying that you are squarely to blame, from sins of infidelity to adultery. This might have convinced the other partner that there is something amiss and after discovering what you have done, they have confronted you.

Rather than down play the issue, you had confessed of the allegations to a point where your
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partner had to go. It must be the reason as to why there is sorrow in your heart and lack of dating in your life. You must realize that dating and meeting new friends is always the best thing towards your annihilation of loneliness and the beginning of novel relationships that are made out of love and tender care.

By: Francis K Githinji

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Great Managers & How to Find Them

A rock headliner-turned-artist manager shares her insights into the business side of music.

By Maureen Herman

August 9, 2006

In 1991 I was living in a drafty warehouse on Chicago’s South Side, practicing with my band in the basement and playing local clubs — until I got a call that would change my life.

An old friend phoned with news that the bassist had quit the band and asked if I’d like to join. That band, Babes in Toyland, had just signed to Reprise and was about to record their major label debut. I joined. In two weeks I was on tour, with a recording session scheduled immediately after we got off the road.

In true punk rock fashion, we split all of the work. But things soon became hectic, and it became an overwhelming responsibility to keep on top of our business — touring, recording, upgrading equipment, something about ASCAP, and needing someone to tell us that A&R didn’t stand for Artists & Restaurants. We wanted an ally, someone like us who understood what we were doing, who knew the business and could help us protect our interests and image.

It was time to get a manager.

In all my previous bands, I’d never thought of having a manager or even known what music business people really did. Entrenched in the DIY ethic of Chicago’s indie scene, when I pictured a manager, I saw a cheap suit, a cigar, and a snake holding someone else’s money.

Fast-forward a few years, and today I’m a music business executive. I dress pretty cheaply sometimes, and I do smoke cigarettes — but I know now that most managers out there are not thief-like Svengalis. By and large they’re hard-working people from all walks of life, with a passion for music and a respect for artists. How do you find one of these managers — someone who has the drive, if not the experience, to nurture your career?

Glad you asked.

Where do I find a manager and what does it look like?

‘Be clear early on about where you could use some help. Look at the people around you — can any of them offer you that help?’

Calling up a big coastal management firm is not the best first step in finding representation — especially if you’re a “baby band” (which is an unappealing term used by the industry to describe a band that’s just starting out or shopping for a deal). The best thing to do is look at the people closest to the band — people who appreciate what you’re doing and can offer constructive support. It may be the friend who’s always helping you put up flyers and load out equipment at the end of the night. Or maybe it’s the woman who books the club you call home and awards you the primo slots. Those situations can grow naturally and successfully into management/client relationships. Witness Maggie McPherson, formerly booking agent for the Uptown Bar in Minneapolis, now manager of then-local bar band and current Columbia artists the Jayhawks.

Many managers, like me, become involved with no intention of full-time management. Instead, they see a talent, become passionate about its potential, and feel they can contribute something to that artist’s drive for success. Steve Hutton of Upper Cut Management was a friend of Kid Rock’s back in Detroit and, until recently, his manager. “There was a local band that I really liked,” Hutton recalls. “I started working with them. I used that as an excuse to network and teach myself the business.”

Like Hutton, Janet Billig at Immortal Entertainment has an eye for indie talent and has learned about how to develop it on the job. One of her first clients in the early ’90s was Courtney Love and her band Hole; she now works with Lisa Loeb, Cibo Matto, and Guided by Voices, and partners in a film production company with Love. “At different stages of an artist’s career, you need a manager to do different things,” Billig says. “Sometimes newer artists think, ‘I need someone to help me design flyers.’ Well, some managers might be really good for making flyers, but that may not be the best use of their time or abilities. Think of how they can facilitate your goals instead of thinking of them as your personal assistant.”

In other words, be clear early on about where you could use some help. Look at the people around you — can any of them offer you that help? What could you give them in return?

‘A manager needs to love and appreciate the music of an artist, but they also need to be able to tell them the truth.’ — Danny Goldberg

Is experience necessary in a good manager?

Let’s say you’re thinking about asking someone who has a track record with other artists to manage you. The fact that this person has been in the music business gives you grounds for doing some research. Danny Goldberg, currently Chairman & CEO of Artemis Records, founded Gold Mountain Management and counted Nirvana, the Beastie Boys, Bonnie Raitt, and Rickie Lee Jones among his clients. “If someone’s dishonest with other people,” he warns, “they’re going to be that way with you. Bands should also avoid managers who are intimidated by them. A manager needs to love and appreciate the music of an artist and like them, but they also need to be able to tell them the truth, which sometimes includes bad news or advice they don’t want to hear.”

Sometimes these qualities can compensate for a lack of experience. “Depending on how far along the artist is in their development, the manager should have some skills and expertise in the business,” Goldberg continues. “If they don’t have direct expertise, they should have a temperament that makes them open-minded and able to learn.”

Steve Hutton agrees. “People should not look down on managers who haven’t had success yet. Everyone has to start somewhere, and frankly, a lot of times a new manager may be better than an experienced one, because you’re probably going to be their only act and their most important work. The experienced manager has other acts and more things on their plate.”

Beyond honesty and respect for the artist, what qualities are important for the novice — and veteran — manager? “Patience and perseverance are the two most essential qualities,” says Hutton. “You cannot be tenacious enough. At the same time, you have to be diplomatic, creative, and intelligent.”

That’s just the beginning, according to Boche Billions, a.k.a. David Viecelli, of Billions Corporation in Chicago, a booking & management firm whose roster includes Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds, Southern Culture on the Skids, Wire, Calexico, and the now disbanded Jesus Lizard. “Besides the obvious things, it is about finding someone who understands who the band is, what they want to get out of being a band, and what the realistic expectations for that band are in the marketplace.”

‘Good managers are worth a great deal to an artist. And bad managers are worth zero.” — Danny Goldberg

What exactly do managers do?

“A lot of work goes into the public hearing the music,” states Danny Goldberg. “It’s time-sensitive, and it requires finesse and intelligence to avoid disasters. Whether it’s something going wrong in a club, the relationship with the media, the record company, the attorney, or the booking agents, I don’t know if artists are always aware of how much work it is. It’s the kind of profession where anything good that happens is credited to the artist and anything that goes wrong is the fault of the manager.

“It’s hard sometimes to measure a manager’s real contribution, impact, and value in a tangible way,” Goldberg admits. “Therefore, you’re hoping that there’s an intuitive grasp of it. There’s no chance for an It’s a Wonderful Life run-through of what your career would be like without the manager. That’s the most frustrating thing for both parties. The artist always wonders, ‘Am I getting my money’s worth?’ The manager wonders, ‘Do they appreciate what I’m doing or not?’ I believe good managers are worth a great deal to an artist. And bad managers are worth zero. So the profession is extremely valuable — when done correctly.”

Good managers are networkers; they understand that the business is all about relationships. Though it may be your song in the movie, the path it followed to get there may be this convoluted: Your manager is backstage at the Foo Fighters show, which he got into because he used to book bands at the club part-time. He runs into his ex-girlfriend’s brother, who works for a film company. They talk about a film that’s under production there, and it turns out they’re looking for a song with a train theme for the soundtrack. The manager remembers that your band has a train song on their demo. Phone numbers are exchanged.

The point, of course, is that it’s not always easy to trace or gauge the manager’s positive effect. As Billig points out, “There are little accomplishments that seem insignificant to the artist or outside world but are gigantic for the artist’s career. It’s hard for anyone, even an artist, to see that opportunity the manager gained for him or her.”

“I think there’s a quote from Andy Gould [manager of Rob Zombie and Monster Magnet] that says, ‘A manager’s job is to be the thing that gets between the bullet and the artist’s foot,’” laughs Hutton. “I think that’s true, combined with contributing to the artistic process. That doesn’t necessarily mean creating the music, but representing the music in the proper spirit and in a creative way.”

Managers essentially work for free until they can create financial opportunity and exposure.

“You want me to pay you what?!”

Commission: Anywhere from 5% to 20%, with the norm being 15%.

This is how the manager is able to afford to work for you and still pay the phone bill and eat out once in a while. In the early days, it can be tough: The client doesn’t have income, which is why he or she wants a manager. The manager essentially works for free until he or she can create financial opportunity and exposure.

At this stage, it’s important for all parties to be realistic. In the beginning of his career, manager Chris Moon [Josh Rouse] still worked a second job — and for as long as it took, so did his client. “I’ve talked to several people who made big money on big deals,” he says. “They still have to work on the side because of the initial investment of getting to that point. Unless the artist gets a signing bonus you can commission, all the money from a record deal goes toward making a record. You can only commission what is actually income, not expenses. That’s why it’s good to get a publishing deal and get some money up front for you and your client. Either way, you have to have someone administer your publishing or you’re never going to take all your money in — that’s a given. So you either sell your publishing or you hold onto it and get an administration deal. In the leverage for that money, you give up ownership for ‘x’ amount of years.”

How many years? “That depends,” Moon says. “Do you want to wait to earn the money, or do you want somebody to pay up front? Other than that, income comes only from merchandise and live performance — and that’s where your management efforts should be focused after the deals are done.”

As Billions points out, “For every one of those deals, there’s 30 other tasks that have absolutely no income related directly to them. For me, the reward is in the relationship itself. Of course there’s satisfaction in having something become a success from a fiscal standpoint, but there’s a lot of little victories, and lots of little to medium frustrations. You miss out on the fun of managing if you don’t see the process as worth it.”

Sometimes artists forget how they got to be successful. To them, their first manager transforms into something like an old guitar they want to trade for a shiny new red one. In both sides of this scenario, the artist has forgotten how their old association helped them get to where they are, and that history — especially the trust and communication built into a manager/client relationship — is priceless.

This is not to say that you should never change management or fire your manager. If you feel your needs are not being met, or that your interests or money are no longer protected, or if you plain don’t like each other anymore, you should part ways. But associating humble beginnings with the “small time” can put you in the hands of someone who wasn’t there when you were broke, unknown, and losing faith. Even if things are on the upswing with your next manager, the minute things look shaky, you could find yourself deserted by someone whose allegiance to you began after all the toughest work was done.

‘I don’t have a problem picking up an artist with no deal; I have a problem picking up an artist without experience.’ — Janet Billig

How do I get a manager interested in me?

If you have no record deal or solid interest (a negligible term in the flaky netherworld of A&R), and depending on how far you are in your career, you may not be able to attract a higher-level manager unless you really blow him or her away. Even so, there’s a lot you can — and should — do to make your band appealing to a good manager, regardless of your label status.

“I tend to not pick up really small artists that haven’t accomplished a certain number of goals by themselves,” says Janet Billig. “It’s really important that an artist go through the process of recording an album, generating press, building a buzz, and booking and promoting shows. I don’t have a problem picking up an artist with no deal; I have a problem picking up and working with an artist without experience.”

Steve Hutton’s approach adds some gut instinct to the mix. “I get in trouble and have problems if I have to convince myself to manage a band and don’t feel it immediately. I look for a good rock band with great songs, with relatively attractive people who are of a certain age, have a similar vibe, and look like a part of the same team. You don’t want a bass player that looks like he’s in Korn and a guitar player that looks like he’s in Backstreet Boys — that won’t work. And this cliché will always be true — it’s all about the songs.”

‘If you can’t get your brother-in-law’s indie label to get back to you about the three demos CDs you sent them, you just might need someone with contacts.’ — P. W. Long

Do I really need a manager?

My former management client P. W. Long came up with the following definitive checklist that you can use to answer this question for yourself.

Your band is finally getting some label interest. You’re wondering if it’s time to get help navigating those perilous waters. Most certainly, if you do end up on a major label you’ll need someone to protect your integrity from the A&R person who wants your techno-metal-hop outfit to fill a support slot for Ani DiFranco’s tour and a radio department clamoring for you to do a Hooter’s grand opening. Maybe, on the other hand, you can’t even get your brother-in-law’s indie label to get back to you about the three demos CDs you sent them. If so, your career just might need a kick-start–someone with contacts.

You Need A Manager If …

1. You have a major label deal. If you somehow swung your record deal without a manager, the label will either recommend or demand that you get one — now.

2. You have more success with indie-label releases, gig earnings, and merchandise proceeds than you can keep track of efficiently.

3. Your band’s income and popularity are stagnating, and you need to get your music into the hands of people who can generate income for your band (record labels, music publishers, film music supervisors, etc.).

Manager Criteria

1. Make sure your manager will be readily accessible and have the necessary time to devote to your project. If your selection pool is limited to friends and acquaintances, realize that your friendship will likely become strained if not entirely jeopardized.

2. Find someone whose reputation and methods will not compromise your band’s image. A good manager is aggressive and firm, but also careful not to embitter a lot of people.

3. Make sure he/she is an ardent fan of your music. Your manager’s enthusiasm and confidence about your future should be infectious.

What to Know Going In

1. The band and manager should agree on what to expect from each other. Define “manager.” Does it include booking gigs, mailing posters, sending press materials, etc.?

2. Sign an agreement that’s fair to everyone. This should prevent misunderstandings when — after a term of failed efforts — the manager says, “You owe me $5,000.00.” You say, “Not according to this contract we don’t.”

3. Pay the manager the agreed percentage for his or her efforts whenever you can. This keeps everyone interested in staying actively involved.

4. Demand performance from your management. At the same time you must show the same commitment you expect from them: Do what you say you’re going to do.

In all cases, use common sense. Trust the instincts of the band-member with the best judgment of character. If you don’t have a solid list of management candidates, ask friends in other successful bands for guidance. If those efforts turn up nothing, Pollstar’s quarterly “Agencies” issue offers an exhaustive list of management and booking agencies. Good luck.

About The Author

Maureen Herman is the Director of Biz Dev at http://Fuzz.com. Her writing has appeared in Rolling Stone Magazine, AOL, The Village Voice and Musician Magazine. Herman was the bassist for Babes in Toyland and her background includes television production (VH1, CMT), artist management and artist development. Check out her music downloads at http://fuzz.com.

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What do we do about the violent adolescents?

Good question. Here are some possible answers. Angry children need love. The older and angrier they get, the harder they are to love, and the more frightening they can become. If you have an angry teenager in your home, extended family or community, here are some ideas that may help:

Do everything in your power to get to know them.

Find out what they like to do and do it with them. That’s a stretch in some cases, but do the best you can. They will notice the effort. Stay true to yourself-if they see you trying to become like them, they’ll lose respect for you.

Ask them to tell you about the things they’re interested in. You may have to prove that you’re really interested before they will open up, but if you’re sincere and persistent, they will start talking.

Be a steady, loving presence in their life. You may have to forego some of your other activities, but if you have an adolescent who is possibly moving toward violence or suicide, it’s worth it.

Get in touch with your own healthy anger, so that you have the personal power and confidence to deal with the energy of adolescent anger.

Work to master humor and love. Find as many ways as possible to have fun with the adolescent and show your love. Make sure that you are pursuing the relationship for them, and not to fulfill some unmet needs from your own past.

Consult with other adults and parents who are good with teenagers. Watch how they interact with kids and learn from their example.

Pray. You’re going to need all the help you can get, and you need to know you are not alone in your mission to bring love to this unhappy child.

EMBRACING THE OUTCASTS AND MISFITS

This is simply impossible if you have outcasts and misfits in your own subconscious body/mind. So the first order of business here is to make sure you have found, embraced and made a place for the children within you that you or others may have found that represent remnants of memories that you have yet to resolve. These are the inner children that symbolize your pain, shame and self-doubt.

Rest assured that the outcast child that you approach in the outer world will not accept your embrace if they see unresolved fear and anger in your eyes or actions.

Since we know that the outcasts and misfits are the children most likely to become violent, it only follows that we must pull them into the arms of love and/or acceptance, and find a place where they fit. If our system doesn’t have a place where a child fits, there’s something wrong with the system, not the child.

Look around you in your family and your community. Do you see the outcasts and misfits? The ones that seem to have no friends, or who only hang out with others like them? Look for the ones that don’t act “right,” are too this or too that or not enough of the other. Especially look for the ones that are not talking about their feelings, and seem to carry a lot of depression and/or anger.

Genius often hides in such places. If you are wise, healthy and dedicated enough to win an inroad to the heart and mind of one of these “personas non grata,” you may discover a hidden treasure. The movie “Good Will Hunting” depicts such a case, where an angry, violent misfit is also a gifted genius. The older movie “The Breakfast Club” also shows us the beauty in the shadow of the misfit.

Kindness and compassion will sometimes be greeted with doubt, fear and even anger at first. If you really mean it, and have the courage to do so, you can penetrate that outer shell and touch the tender heart within. You may be saving someone’s life.

Consider the outcasts and misfits in your world to be unexplored territories of your own soul, undiscovered treasures waiting for you. The rewards will be as great for you as for those you help.

When we look deep enough into any living being, we find the face of God.

Teach this to your children, like Max did in the following example.

Max had come to me for almost four years, to heal from a very painful childhood, and to learn to manage his anger toward his wife. He was making excellent progress, and was tapering off in his sessions.

Max’s son Derek was six years old, and the apple of his dad’s eye. Max was determined to give Derek the healthy guidance, love and positive role modeling he had never received as a child.

Smiling ear to ear, Max told me of some of his recent successes with his wife and son. “I have always been afraid I would end up homeless and living under a bridge. So, I decided to confront this fear a little more directly. After church Sunday, Derek and I took about 40 hamburgers to the homeless people living under the overpass downtown. Derek loved it! Now he wants to feed all of the homeless people in the city. Those people were so grateful.”

Max was quiet for a moment, as he wiped his eyes and regained his composure. He had given a great gift to some outcasts and misfits, to his son, and to himself.

METHODS FOR HELPING CHILDREN DEAL WITH THEIR ANGER

What to say-When your child is in the middle of expressing anger, your verbal response is extremely important. Though it remains true that your non-verbal signals will speak more loudly than your words, we must not underestimate the power of the spoken word, particularly during intense emotional experiences.

-For a very young child, or if the anger is being expressed mostly in non-verbal ways, say something to the effect of, “Wow! I can see that you are really angry right now. I’m sure you have good reasons to be angry. Your anger seems really strong to me. I want you to know that it’s okay with me for you to be angry, and I want to help you deal with it so that nobody gets hurt-including you.” In these and other words, communicate the idea that “There’s nothing wrong with feeling anger, the important thing is what you do with it.”

-Practice reflective listening. Repeat back to the child what you hear her saying in a non-judgmental, soothing tone. This provides a comforting effect, and lets the child know she’s being heard. Start with phrases like, “So what I hear you saying is…” or “So you’re saying…” Stick with their words and references, using as little interpretation and as few of your own words as possible.

-Express empathy and understanding. This is simply a matter of imagining yourself in the child’s position, and attempting to see things from his viewpoint. Use phrases like, “When I put myself in your shoes, I can see why you would feel that way,” or “From where you stand, it looks like…” or “I think I see what you mean” or “That makes sense to me.”

-Avoid teaching, correcting or instructing while your child is angry. Only when the child starts to calm down and relax, you may want to share some of your own similar struggles or experiences. The goal is to help them deal with and understand their anger. Discipline needs to be kept separate from this kind of communication, and administered when both you and the child are calm. That way the child gets the clear message that it is not their emotion that is being disciplined, it is their behavior.

What to do-If your child is small enough, you might want to try holding her during her anger episode. This has been found to be highly effective in many cases. It provides loving, powerful and safe boundaries when the child is feeling out of control. The non-verbal message is, “I’m here. I’m not going to leave you. I’m not going to hurt you, and I won’t let you hurt yourself or anyone else. I’m going to hold you until you feel safe again.” Here are some recommendations to make this procedure safe and successful:

-If you are extremely afraid or angry yourself, do not try this technique. Your emotions will feed the anger and fear of your child and make the situation worse.

-If you feel comfortable doing so, hold the child from behind, ideally with him sitting in your lap. Protect your face in case he tosses his head back toward you. The goal is for no one to get hurt.

-There needs to be both love and power in your embrace. Strong but not too strong, relaxed but not too relaxed. This lets the child know you are in charge, that you love her and can and will protect her.

-Be ready and willing to devote some time to this. If you don’t complete the process, you may do more harm than good. Hold the child, and wait until he calms down and relaxes. Often he might cry or even fall asleep as the anger subsides.

-Through this gesture you are communicating love, acceptance, safety, protection and power all at the same time.

What to have the child do-In some cases, the child may need to release anger physically. This can be accomplished in a number of ways:

-Supervised play with toys, or play therapy in a professional setting, can be very effective in helping children release anger. The violence that occurs between the toy characters is non-destructive, and can be very informative to the therapist and/or the parent who is observing. This can also include drawing pictures, or throwing clay against a wall or board where no harm can be done.

-Hitting pillows or a mattress with a harmless object such as a nerf bat or bataca bat. This can be done in a playful manner, and the child will still receive benefit. In therapy, I often call it “the anger game,, so that children feel safe in approaching the activity.

-Children may sometimes benefit from the “temper tantrum technique.” Parents should use their own judgment as to when it is necessary to contract for the services of a professional for this type of exercise.

-One of the best parents I know told me that he had his daughters use the “Name it, claim it, aim it” technique for dealing with anger. In other words he taught them to put a name on their feeling, take responsibility for it, and direct it into some kind of release or constructive activity. An example might go something like, “I’m angry and sad, Daddy,” (naming and claiming it) “and I want you to help me talk to Bobby about taking my things” (aiming it). This is an excellent approach, and I highly recommend that parents use this and any other guidelines they run across that help them to teach their children to manage and express their emotions in healthy ways.

In conclusion, I encourage you to do your best to understand everything that is going on in your child’s life and development process. S/he is a complex being, and everything s/he is feeling makes sense at some level. Believe in the goodness of your child. Remember, what you pay attention to grows.

About The Author

William DeFoore, Ph.D. is a counselor, speaker and coach who conducts workshops on anger management and emotional intelligence in personal and business relationships. Get information, watch videos and buy books, CDs and downloads at http://www.defoore.com.

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Trust is one of the building blocks of a healthy and stable relationship. Without it, a relationship crumbles under the weight of suspicion and disrespect. When you’ve had something happen in your relationship or the one prior to your current one, you already know how important it is that you built trust for your security. Here are some ways to add trust to your relationship.

Make sure that what you say is what you’re saying

It takes a lot to hold back some of your opinions sometimes. But when you hold back something important, your partner will see it in your body language. It’s better to tell them what is upsetting you than for them to have to guess what you are trying to tell them – and potentially guessing wrong.

Become more predictable

It’s the sudden changes that can cause even the most calm and centered person to begin to question their partner. If you’re doing something that might be perceived as ‘out of your character,’ realize that you might be causing suspicion. Try to keep your habits and actions fairly predictable so that your partner can assume that everything is okay when your patterns remain the same.

Be open about changes that you are making

But it’s not fair to assume that you will be staying the same all of the time, so it’s best to let your partner know when you are making changes that might seem radical. Starting a new exercise program or changing your overall look might be something that you will want to warn them about – lest they think that you’re primping and preparing your appearance for someone else.

Believe in your partner

A little faith in your partner will go a long way. When you want to build trust in a relationship, you will want to trust your partner as well to make decisions that benefit your relationship as well as your well-being. It isn’t about thinking that your partner can do anything that they put their mind to, but it’s about having the courage to say that you support your partner no matter what they want in their life.

Communicate your needs

What you need will go a long way to showing your partner how much you trust them. By allowing them to see what makes you happy, you are becoming vulnerable to them and to their reactions. They might not like what you’ve decided, though they probably will appreciate the fact that you are telling them what you need from them. Trusting them to listen and to respect these needs will help the favor to be returned.

Be an open book

Keeping secrets is probably one of the worst things you can do for a relationship. You need to be as open as possible in your marriage in order to show that you have nothing to hide. When you’re open, your partner will also feel that they should be open enough to you as well. Small secrets are one thing – gifts, surprises – but when you start to keep some secrets, they might think that you’re hiding other things as well.

Be yourself

You married the person that you are with because of who they are. When they start to act differently, that might make you question what is going on with them. When you want to rebuild the trust in your relationship, try to remember that you don’t want to change or impress them, but you want to show them who you really are so that they can trust that person.

Have your own opinions

It’s interesting that many people believe that agreeing with everyone will make them seem more trustworthy. But like ‘yes men’ in business, those that always agree seem to be lying some of the time. There’s no need to disagree with others, but you should also have your own opinions once in a while.

Establish clear boundaries

Set up boundaries that might allow you to feel more trustful. If your spouse or partner is away, you might establish rules for talking to other women or let them know things that might make you uncomfortable. Share what you need to feel secure in your relationship and ask them to do the same.

Don’t be afraid of success

Realize that you can have an open and honest relationship – it’s not impossible. Too many people dismiss the idea entirely and always look for things to be wrong – however, this leads to distrust as well.

Communicate often

Take the time to talk with each other frequently so that you both know where the other one is at. This will allow you to feel as though there is nothing that you’re not communicating to the other.

Take responsibility

If you keep a secret or lie, take responsibility for your blunder. People make mistakes, but owning up to them makes you better for it.

About The Author

Cucan Pemo

Relationship Tips - Relationship Advice - Relationship Help

http://www.retrievealover.com/home.htm

Save Relationship With our Potent 4-Step Strategy which work! This incredible package will help you save your relationship or marriage! Thousands of satisfied readers cannot go wrong!

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Make Your One-Night-Stand A Sucess!!
 by: Yair Czitrom

You might know the situation. To wake up in a strangers bed with a man, whose name you aren´t quite sure of what is. On top of everything you have a hangover and a irrepressible desire to escape without any goodbyes after a night with sex, which never quite became any good

If you do, then you aren´t alone. The term, one-night-stand has a negative sound for many people, but it doesn´t have to be like that. Camilla on 31 and Anna on 28 has with great success had many hot men between their legs for judt one night. OneNightStandDate.com has asked them for their best tricks.

Just once!

Don´t go for one-night-stands if you are really looking for a boyfriend. It´s no surprise, that one-night-stands suffer from bad publicity. There´s nothing worse then beeing promised a house, weddingdress and a poodle and then ending up with a wet stain on your sheets and a man, who has no intention of returning your phonecall. But if you take the temperature of your “love-sickness” and act accordingly, then you can avoid many disappontments.

Pure raw sexdrive!

Basically you´ll never say no to having a boyfriend if it´s the right guy, but there are definitely periods, in which I´m more lovesick than others. And I know that in those periods it´s much too hard beeing left in the middle of the night or next morning. Then it´s not worth it, says Anna, who has been single for 3 years and has had somewhere around 20 one-night-stands.

You should never sleep with a guy, because you need someone to spoon up with, Camilla adds. She just married her boyfriend through 2 years. Before she met him, she had about 50 one-night-stands. - It´s pure raw sexdrive and nothing else. One should never confuse it with pure intimacy or love. If that´s what you need, then go for a man, who is willing to give you more the a few hours attention, she says.

No, you are NOT slutty!

Even though one should think that we have moved on, then the middleaged perception of woman sleeping with men, without beeing in love with them, still sticks. And even though you´d never dream of labelling your “sisters” as beeing cheap or anything else condescending, we´d like to tak a stand for this conception beeing extinct.

- You are as cheap as you make yourself. The feeling of beeing cheap can easily come sneaking along, if you slept with someone you weren´t really attracted to or that you wanted more of and got rejected.

If you feel just like Camilla and Anna, and think that now it is time for one night stand, Join them. They are active members of http://www.onenightstandsex.com.

See you there.

Yair Czitrom

http://www.OneNightStandSex.com

About The Author

Yair Czitrom is the owner and webmaster of http://www.onenightstandsex.com - An experienced online dater that took his dating knowledge and web skills as a dater and as an IT pro to help other fun seekers in today’s cyber world. He is an expert writer on ezinearticles.com and searchwarp.com.

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